On being 40 something, cliches' and things mama used to say...

They say that youth is wasted on the young.
That is true!
Cause if I knew then what I know now…

I remember being 16 and thinking that 40 yr. olds were old and corny.
And now, I’m one of them.
But I’m not old or corny.
I’m comfortable/ in this skin.
The word ‘NO’ falls freely from my lips!
And I’m not really interested in what people think… anymore.

Being tall and self-conscious as a girl, I lied about my age.
I graduated from high school a year early.
So when all of my friends were turning 18,
I was turning 17.
I was so embarrassed about this.
Funny thing is, when all of my friends were turning 40,
I would quickly tell them, while laughing, that I was still 39!

I cried before my 40th birthday.
It just wasn't as sexy as 30.

But being this age is a gift.
There's some 'lovely' in these years.
Knowing yourself.
Knowing your body.
Knowing your boundaries
And the sex is great!

I’ve got some lines around my smile and a wrinkle or two.
But I’ve discovered the beauty of Oil of Olay,
eating my vegetables,
and getting those 8 glasses of water in every day.

I have an afro of gray hair at the top of my head.
But I’ve taught myself how to apply that Bigen 58 Black/Brown very nicely.
I know that I HAVE to workout to maintain my weight.
And that 4 hours of sleep just isn’t enough.

My lower back shows out every now and again.
But my Moonwalk is still tight!

I'm just now embracing things that I've known all along.
Things like~ If something is truly mine, no one can take it.
Like~ sometimes it's a blessing to NOT get everything that you want.
Like~ there’s always, always, always something better around the corner
if you just hold on.
Like~ if you have one true friend then you are rich!
Like~ the only thing that’s really real is Love.

I get that it's not just me!
That EVERYBODY has a story.
That most of us are just doing the best we can.
Trying to get to/more happy/more comfort/more love.
Wanting to belong to something/somebody
Wanting to know that someone somewhere has our back.

What I know now more than ever…is exactly how much I don’t know.
And the older I get the less I need.
My family is the true blessing!
Quiet is better than the Club.
And sometimes sleep is better than sex. Sometimes!

So I celebrate myself today.
My beautifully flawed, wonderful self.
*pops bottle*

THIS IS IT

Said I wasn’t going to see ‘This Is It’.
Thought it was too soon.
I went.
Said I wasn’t going to cry.
Thought it’d be a happy occasion.
And it was a happy occasion.
But I cried.
I’m grateful that I didn’t follow my initial instincts.
I would have missed the opportunity to witness Michael’s genius one last time.

‘This Is It ’the concert was simply going to be the greatest live show ever done.
Imagine ‘Thriller’ in 3D, Michael running out of movie scenes, fire rumblin’ round’ the stage.

‘This is It’ the movie is the school of Michael Jackson.
It’s where you learn how legends do it.
It’s where the magic begins.

Make no mistake, Michael was put here to do this!

I saw a Michael Jackson that was at the TOP of his game.
I saw a 50 yr. old man move effortlessly with dancers half his age.
I saw humility and l.o.v.e
I saw the kind of confidence that you pray for.
I saw a man that hadn’t toured in 12 yrs.
or recorded a studio album in 8
perform like there was never a break in between.

I watched a nurturing, giving Michael who paid great attention to detail.
I watched an icon that wanted his crew to shine.
No yelling, no ego,
even when he was dissatisfied with something he guided them with care.

I cried because he sung ‘Human Nature’ so beautifully I was speechless.
I cried for the dancers and the crew~ who’d dreamt of that moment.
Who’d spent months learning from the master himself.
And 8 days before they were scheduled to leave it all came crashing down.
I cried for you and I cause this loss is so great.
I cried for Michael Jackson.

I left the theatre feeling elated. inspired.
wanting to do more.
wanting to give more.
wanting to be more.
wanting to be excellent.

Michael Joseph Jackson 1958-2009

I’m not supposed to be writing this blog entry.
Not this one. Not now. Maybe 35 years from now, but not now.
And I do not want to write this blog, but I have to.
Cause I loved Michael Jackson. I love Michael Jackson. Michael Joseph Jackson.

It’s been nearly two weeks and I’m still heavy.
The air is thick and everything is moving in slow motion.
I’m stunned and shocked. My heart is broken.
I never imagined a world without Michael Jackson.
His music is the soundtrack to my life.
To say that I’m in pain is an understatement.

Michael’s been a part of my life, all of my life.
Like driving down south every summer and eating cream of wheat,
He's always been there. Always.
He’s in my DNA.
His music is solace for me.
It’s where I go when things fall apart.

1974: There’s me, 5, and my cousin with our hair brushes singing ‘Got to be there’ in the bathroom mirror.
1980: There's me, watching the 'Don't stop til you get enough' video swearing to my mother that Michael was going to be my husband.
1981: There’s me, 12 yrs. old, in Madison Square Garden watching Michael and his brothers give me the experience of a lifetime.
1982: There I am, home from the hospital, with a new copy of the 'Thriller' album. Happy beyond belief.
1983: There's me and my family, mouths agape, watching Motown 25.

There were scrapbooks. The leather Thriller jacket. The White Gloves. The buttons. The bubble gum wrappers. The newspaper clippings.
The endless copies of Black Beat, Right ON! Magazine and Nana’s Ebony's and Jet's.

1986: There’s me sharing my love for Michael with the whole world underneath my high school yearbook photo. LOVES MICHAEL JACKSON! it said. And I did.

1993: There's me remembering the time.

There’s the records sold, stadiums filled, world records broken.
There's the way he singlehandedly changed music and entertainment as we
know it.
But more importantly, it’s the way he made us, made me feel.

2001: There's me, hearing 'Butterflies' for the first time.
And thinking 'There's my Michael. He still has it.'
2005: There's me cheering his acquittal. Proclaiming his innocence.

He's the barometer that I use to measure excellence.
Whenever someone does or says something stellar, or magnificient,
I always say ‘Uh-oh, you better do it, Michael Jackson!'
No matter what changes he'd made, or what he was going through,
when he opened his mouth, that Michael Jackson came out.
That sweet, soothing, familiar, sound.

2009: I'm still here. But instead of witnessing his comeback,
I'm reeling from his loss.

Dear Michael:
I haven’t had time to process your passing. It all happened so suddenly.
But I want to thank you for all you’ve given me, given everyone.
I want you to know that I was always there.
From the afro to the flip.
From 'ABC' to 'Invincible'.
From the Grammy's to the courthouse.
I was there.
I learned those runs. I heard you ride the bassline.
I know the harmonies. I saw you.
You remind me of May from the 'Secret Life of Bees'.
You were too sweet for this world.
I want you to know that you were my first love.
And because of you, I dared to dream.
You ARE magic!
Pure. Kind. Gentle. Giving. Loving. Magical. Mystical. Ethereal. Wonderful. Beautiful. Amazing. Michael.
There will never be another.
I’m blessed to have lived to witness your brilliance.
You are more than a legend. More than a genius. You’re a movement.
Thank you for making a little girl from Newark, New Jersey, dream in color.
Thank you for everything, Michael Jackson.

Rest in Peace, Beloved. I love you.

Day 26 live @ Club Nokia!

My instincts are usually dead on.
But I have to admit that I didn’t pick the same band
members that Diddy chose for Day 26.
I was off by two.
Brian and Big Mike are extraordinarily talented,
but I saw 2 other brothers in their spots.
Fortunately, I’m not the one doing the picking.
Cause Day 26 is perfect just the way it is.
I see exactly why each and every one of those boys are in the group.

Que, the sensitive El Debarge type,
2009’s version of New Edition’s Ronnie Devoe.
Brian, a 'sanger' with Devante' swag.
Willie, 12 pack, pretty boy with bedroom eyes and a sweet falsetto.
Robert has voice for days.
He’s what Phillip Bailey was to Earth Wind And Fire.
Let’s pray he never leaves.
And Big Mike, the cuddly, charming wing man with beautiful eyes
and a voice like butter.
There’s something for everyone.
There’s a little BoyzIIMen, New Edition and 112, all rolled into one.
Diddy knows what he’s doing.

The boys performed at Club Nokia in Los Angeles on Mother’s Day.
And the show was exciting.
They came out like Janet’s Rhythm Nation.
Wearing black and red. Jumping in unison.
Hands up. Boom Kacking. Hot!
They’re hungry. They wanted to be there.
You could tell that they worked hard.
And if you’ve watched Making The Band, you were rooting for them
like they were your own.
The good news is that what you hear on the record is real.
They can all sing. Each one. Individually.

I would've liked if they had all stayed on stage together more often.
At various times throughout the show,
you’d only see 3 or 4 members on the stage.
Somebody would be off drinking water
or conversing with someone back stage.
The Jacksons never did that. Neither did the Commodores.
And if they did, I didn't notice.
But they’re young.
They have time.

If they continue selecting great music
and loving what they do and staying hungry-
And if Puffy promotes them and pays them
and puts into them what he put into Mary, Jodeci and B.I.G,
then they’ll be here. Still around. Giving us great music for
years to come.
R&B is back!

thoughtsandthings...3/16 Tweeting on Twitter

I'm an admitted Facebook junkie.
I usually spend more time on Facebook than anywhere else on the net.
But I noticed that more and more people were migrating over to Twitter.
Now, I'd been hearing about this Twitter thing.
I had even set up an account but I never hung out there very long.
I'd never really used it.
I resisted Twitter for a long time.
Until now!

Like anything else, Twitter has it's issues.
Or let me say, I have my issues WITH it.
On Twitter, I don't need you to accept my friend request.
I can just 'follow' you.
BUT unless we're both following one another,
I can't privately communicate with you.
Or even worse,
I have to post what I want to say to you in front of the whole damn world.
AND they can see you NOT replying back to me.

There should be Twitter etiquette.
If I follow you, you follow me.
If I say something to you, you say something back!

On Twitter, the only people talking to you are usually your friends.
If you're following a celebrity, chances are, that unless they
know you personally, they are only communicating with each other.
You don't know the countless conversations I've been in with Erykah Badu
and was the only one talking to me.
I often sign off feeling like...an idiot.
"Hey Puffy, I'm TALKING to you over here".

The one good thing about Twitter is that it's in real time.
When someone says something you know that they said it right then.
I struggle with quick and witty updates.
Truth is, I just don't have that much going on.
So, I lurk more than anything.
I find what others are doing far more interesting.
Who knew how entertaining Beyonce's lil sister could be?

Twitter is like a quickie.
Instant messaging, real time. No details.
No where to hang out.
No tagging. No poking.
And I can only talk to you if you're 'Following'. Me. Too.

Facebook is more intimate.
You have to ask to be accepted as someone's friend.
One could see this as an inconvenience but I like it.
For when you accept me,
I know that you want me there for one reason or the other.
Facebook is more involved. More detailed.
I can visit your page.
I can view your pictures.
We can tag and poke one another.
I'm reminded of your birthday and can
post 'happy birthday' on your wall.
I can send you a private message and no one else will know.

I'm really a Facebook kinda girl.
I like it more intimate. more involved.
I've never been the tweeting twittering quickie type.
But I can't leave.
So follow me....

'Something Like Beautiful' an 'essaysandthings' conversation with author asha bandele

It’s been 10 years since the release of asha bandele’s first memoir,
‘The Prisoners Wife’.
Her book about a love story.
Her love story about falling in love with Rashid,
a man, serving a life sentence in prison.
The story about how she came to love him
and what loving a man behind bars entails.
I read that book in less than 4 hours and was crying by page 35.
I’d never read anything so raw, so honest, so pretty in my life.
I’d never been so captivated by a story.
No one's words had ever leapt from the pages onto me,
or into me, like that before.
It was 'The Prisoner’s Wife' that introduced me to the memoir.
It was 'The Prisoner’s Wife' that introduced me to myself.
I wanted to know more about this sister;
the woman that I felt I had connected with.
I wanted to know more about the poet, this author that moved me.
When I asked for this interview and she kindly said "yes", I was elated; speechless.

Let me tell you, she’s everything that I hoped she’d be and more.
asha bandele is the truth. Period. She puts it on the line.
She’s real and conscious and connected and funny!
And she LOVES children!
Ours was not an interview.
It was a conversation; an easy conversation that I could’ve continued
for several more hours.
She’s you and me. She's beautiful and fly!
The funny thing is, I didn’t even want to talk about the books.
I wanted to talk about the genius BEHIND the books.
I wanted to talk about Rashid. her influences. asha.
I just wanted to talk...

LBE: What’s more comfortable for you, memoir or fiction?

AB: In certain ways I think fiction is more comfortable.
You get the cloak. But memoir is what comes naturally.

LBE: You and Sonia Sanchez inspire me. Who inspires you?

AB: Sonia Sanchez is a huge inspiration for me. Toni Morrison is also a huge inspiration. But then I have inspiration that people wouldn’t necessarily think about. Carolyn Knapp is an amazing writer. Kathryn Harrison, who has mostly done fiction but wrote a memoir called ‘The Kiss‘, has been inspiring to me. I’m inspired by Phyllis Wheatley. I’m inspired by Nawal El Saadawi, an egyptian writer, who wrote this incredible book ‘Women At Point Zero.’ She also wrote a memoir.

LBE: What’s your favorite book?

AB: It’s probably Toni Morrison’s 'Beloved'. But that may not be fair. I know how ‘The Color Purple’ changed me. I know how Sonia Sanchez’s 'Homegirls and Handgranades’ changed me. 'The Red Tent' changed me.
I love Edwidge Danticat. I don’t know that I have any one favorite book. I don’t know if I can pick one. That’s like saying which one of your children is your favorite.

Between writing ‘The Prisoner’s Wife’ and ‘Something About Beautiful', bandele, an award winning poet and journalist, has also served as a features editor and writer for Essence magazine, and a Revson Fellow at Columbia University. She is the author of two collections of poems and the novel ‘Daughter'.

LBE: Did you journal as a child/young adult?

AB: I think that journaling is really valuable. I journaled for most of my young adulthood. I journaled up until I had my daughter, Nisa. I was very specific about the way that I did it. I wrote before I talked. I’d get up in the morning and I would pray. I would meditate. And then I would write. I would not talk to anyone. I would not do anything until I wrote those pages.

LBE: What is your writing process? Do you have a routine? Or do you write when the muse strikes you?

AB: I used to have a very stringent routine when I began that was all predicated on me being a single woman. But once I had Nisa, a lot of that changed. Reading is very much a part of the writing process. I may not write for two months but then I’ll sit down and I’ll write 10,000 words in one day. With “Something Like Beautiful”, even with doing the rewrites, I probably wrote the actual words to it in about a week. (laughs) But that was a week that lasted for years. In the interim, I was reading, paying attention to Nisa and to my own feelings.

This is a love story, awake and alive. It’s a breathing document, a living witness. It’s human possibility, hope, and connection. It’s a gathering of Spirit, the claiming of dreams. It’s an Alvin Ailey dance, a rainbow roun’ mah shoulder. It’s a freedom song, a 12-string guitar, a Delta blues song. This story is a reprieve. –The Prisoner’s Wife

LBE: When did you know that you had this gift of language? When did you know that you could put the pen to the paper and create this…this music?

AB: It’s something that I’m learning now. I think that I definitely have a voice. I don’t know if there’s ever a place of security that you feel. People have so much to say about writing styles. I’m a lot less secure about writing than I am about parenting. I know that I have a voice. I know that I try to put my whole self into whatever I do publicly. I know that I try to not fake it on any level. I make great collard greens. (laughs) I know that I love children. I don’t know yet that I can write something that will move someone. I know that I try.

Rashid is fine as hell, which I tried not to but couldn’t help noticing the very first time I saw him. He looks like this beautifully symmetrical collaboration between Africa and India. – The Prisoner’s Wife

LBE: I wanted to ask you if you and Rashid are divorced. You never mentioned that in the book.

AB: We’re still legally married.

LBE: Is he in Guyana?

AB: He’s still in prison in New York. We won the immigration hearing in November. So we actually got his deportation order reversed. The government has appealed that and until we have an adjudication I won’t know what happens.

LBE: Does he see Nisa?

AB: I don’t go to prisons anymore. But they talk once a week. The last time she saw him was in September of 2007.

Had I ever really loved myself? Had I ever handed myself over to myself, whole and complete, willing and wanting, the way I have with lovers, wide open and without barrier?
Ever once had I whispered into my own ears the words I had whispered to my lovers: there is no place I will not touch you if it will please you, there is no place I will not love you – Something Like Beautiful

LBE: Sometimes while reading your work, I honestly have to look away. It’s so deeply personal, I feel like a voyeur. Have you written things that may have made Rashid uncomfortable?

AB: He hasn’t read 'Something Like Beautiful' yet. He read 'Prisoners Wife' along with me. He didn’t like the parts about our sex life. I told him that you cannot write a memoir about a love story and not mention sex. You have to put it in context and not make it something vulgar. But you can’t get around it. Sex is going to be mentioned. It’s what everyone is thinking about.
There’s a lot of information that’s out there now that makes me uncomfortable. But I know that if you’re going to tell the real story and you’re going to ask people to go out and buy your book, you can’t lie.

LBE: What role does Rashid play in the writing of the books? Does he help write them?

AB: (laughs) He’s thinks he did. But no, he’s not a writer. It’s not his training. Everybody thinks they can write a story because everybody has a story. But it takes training to be able to tell the story in a way that’s fresh and different. I went to school. I studied. I read.

LBE: What happened after the book came out. What happened to Rashid? Did he become a celebrity?

AB: Yeah. He definitely did. He’d be humble about it. Somehow, somebody would always say ‘You know who that is?' And I think for a lot of reasons that are probably valid, Rashid likes being recognized. Prison diminishes a person’s humanity no matter what side of the wall you work on. So I think the book elevated his humanity in his own eyes.

LBE: Do you ever worry about Nisa in the process? Now that she's here do you edit your writing?

AB: I edit for the truth. In the beginning of ‘Something Like Beautiful’ I use a quote by Anita Diamant, from the 'Red Tent' and that’s basically what I believe. You have to tell the truth. That doesn’t mean that I would let Nisa read the books right now. No, she’s 8. But she’s going to know anyway. That’s the thing that people forget about kids. They know it anyway.
LBE: They do.

“When I come home”, he promised, “you’ll never have to do anything alone again.” I believed him. I can’t imagine believing such a thing now.- Something Like Beautiful.

LBE: What are you going to do when Rashid comes home? You have to write that book!

AB: Rashid’s not going to live with me when he first comes home. It would all be too disruptive for my daughter. That was the plan at one time. But to just all of a sudden insert another person, even if it is the father that she loves so very much, would be too shocking to her little system. It would be shocking to mine.

This is a book about love and this is a book about rage. It's a story about the orbit of sadness that begins spinning in you and around you when you discover that the great life and love you had put together, the emotional balance and financial wherewithal, nearly everything you had counted on- everything I had counted on- disappeared, or, perhaps more accurately, shifted just out of focus- Something About Beautiful

LBE: Correct me if I’m wrong but I saw 'The Prisoner’s Wife' as a love letter to Rashid and 'Something Like Beautiful' as a love letter to Nisa.

AB: I think they’re all love letters to me. (laughs) They are all about me finding me. I’m not trying to be narcissistic or anything. I just truly believe that it’s about me coming to terms with me. But I do also think that my love for Rashid is this huge, wide, completely encompassing thing. It was too big for me to keep inside. I felt like people needed to know. And I feel that way about my daughter. She’s so beautiful. She’s so smart. I couldn’t even imagine having a child with her personality. She’s the best person I know.
The most amazing feeling is to know that you’re loved by children. When I die, they are going to say, she was relevant in the life of children. And as somebody who’s had their childhood taken, that is monumentally important to me.

LBE: Do you think about children’s book at all?

AB: I think about children's books all the time. I’d like to get Nisa to write one with me. I’m so moved by J.K. Rowlings. I’m a Harry Potter fan because children have to rely less on superpowers than they do on their own intelligence, loyalty and integrity. And in any Harry Potter story that is really what gets you through. I wish I could create some heroic characters like that. I have not yet pulled that from my little imagination. (laughs)

LBE: What’s next? Are you going to continue this story? 'Prisoner’s Wife' is part one. ‘Something Like Beautiful’ is part two. Are we going to get a part three? I could read this forever. This could just keep going for me.

AB: (laughs) I’ve thought about that. I’ve thought about writing a book called ‘Home’. A book about when Rashid does come home and what that’ll be like. I won’t do it in a contrived way. I’ll do it if I think there’s something relevant. I’m also thinking about writing other kinds of non-fiction that’s more personal but also research based. I’m influenced right now by books like ‘Noonday Demon’ by Andrew Solomon.
We’re also getting out there and seeing if there’s a film market for ‘The Prisoner’s Wife’. Maybe I’ll be writing a screenplay.

LBE: A movie would be awesome. I'll be right there in the front of the line. (laughs) asha, thank you so much. I appreciate you giving me this time.

AB: Thank you sister. Thank you.

‘Something Like Beautiful ‘ is available in stores and on amazon.com NOW!

Dear Rihanna...

When I first heard about what happened between you and Chris,
I have to admit that initially I wasn't on the
'Chris Brown is a horrible person bandwagon.'
I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt.
I needed to hear the whole story.
I didn't want to rush to judgement.

However, since the police report has surfaced,
my opinion has changed.
I still do not think that he is a horrible person. I just think that he is a person that needs serious help.
The report was difficult to read.

He then drove away in the vehicle and continued to punch her in the face with his right hand. While steering the vehicle with his left hand. The assault caused Robyn's mouth to fill with blood and blood to splatter all over her clothing and the interior of the vehicle.

Rihanna, woman are being abused everyday.
But, unlike you, no one knows their names.
You have a great opportunity to stand for all those women,
those sisters who don't have a voice.
You have a real opportunity to show them what to do.
To encourage them. To show them the steps to get out.
This is so important.
There's a 16 year old girl somewhere that admires you,
that cannot hear the voice of her mother,
and she's being beaten by her boyfriend.
Tell her what to do.
Show her the way.

I know that you and Chris are very young.
And I know you're thinking that I don't understand.
He's a really nice guy.
He just lost his temper.
He really didn't mean it.
You love him. He loves you. And usually it's all good.
I want to tell you that love isn't supposed to hurt.
And that he can't love you if he doesn't love himself.
He doesn't love himself, Rihanna.
He doesn't love himself.

You probably see him as a prize.
He's handsome. Rich. Famous.
He's Chris Brown!!!
But what is that going to mean when you're not here anymore?
When you become a statistic? An E True Hollywood Story?

I want to ask you where's your mother?
What are the people around you saying?
I read that your father supports your decision to stay with Chris.
I don't know your father. Hell, I don't know you.
But I do know that if the people around you are dependant
on you financially then they're probably going to tell you
exactly what you want to hear.
Look at Michael Jackson.

I want to end by saying that you are not alone.
It is not your fault. You have nothing to be ashamed of.
You're probably too young to know this story in it's entirety.
But I want you to, when you get a chance, google Nicole Brown Simpson.
She was in love too.
She thought he was a prize.
And she stayed too long.
She left finally...but...well you have to read the rest.

National Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
1-800-787-3224 (TDD)

Who Got Next? Introducing Durand Bernarr...

Let’s get all of the obligatory introductory stuff out of the way.
He was born and raised in Cleveland, Ohio.
He was home schooled until the age of 17.
He’s only 20, but he’s musically light years ahead of his time.
His favorite collabos, living or dead, would be Kelis, Sarah Vaughn, Erykah Badu
and Billie Holiday.
He has a serious love jones for L.A’s New Wave group J*Davey.
And his favorite color is yellow.
But follow me, it really isn’t about ANY of that.
It’s about his voice.
And the runs. The runs and that sound.
Thank God for YouTube!
It was there that I first saw him.
It was his rendition of ‘It’s so cold in the D’ that caught my attention.
He’s the cover king.
He will take what you think is your song and make it his own.
He has personality for days. He’s your younger brother.
He’s engaging and wise. I liked him immediately.
His name is Durand Bernarr.
“My real name is Bernarr Durand. I just switched it around”.
He tells me on a Sunday afternoon, 30 minutes after the interview was supposed to start because he had to shower and do his push-ups.
Bernarr, already a superstar!

Simply put ,when he opens his mouth to sing beautiful comes out.
It's the kind of sound that makes you spontaneously clap your hands.
It's that first bite of chocolate.
It’s your mama’s fried chicken.
It’s the freak um’ dress.
It’s that dude that you’ve been loving for so long…FINALLY loving you back.
It’s just… right.
His runs from top to bottom are effortless. And he was NEVER vocally trained.
No one should be singing like this in their bedroom.
It’s singing at it’s best. it’s Kim Burrell, and Donnie and Bilal and em’.
It’s pretty. It’s ridiculous!



A flip video camera and the accidental discovery of the Youtube channel was the birth of ‘Alcohol Harmony’, a name he gave himself because as he put it “Alcohol is the pain. It’s the struggle. And the harmony is the music that you use to get away from that problem.”
He has quite the following. Not yet famous, but on to big things.

A virgo, and a self proclaimed perfectionist, Bernarr's been singing since the age of 3. He's also written close to 400 songs. He will be releasing a 7 song EP on itunes, and a mixtape of cover songs like Kanye West's 'Flashing Lights' & John Mayers' 'Slow Dancing In A Burning Room' next month.

His favorite vocalists range from Maxwell to Ella Fitzgerald, from Jazmine Sullivan to Donny Hathaway. He says “I love Maxwell because he’s a niche artist. He has his own vibe. I want to be able to be myself. I want people to hear me and say ‘wow, I love that!’

When asked which producer he’d like to work with I could hear him smiling when he said “Brooke D’leau of J*Davey. The Neptunes. And I would love to work with Gnarls Barkley.”

Where will he be in the next 5 to 10 years?
He says he wants to have a family. I want him on my radio…

thoughtsandthings... 2/16 ' hate that I love you'

The Chris Brown and Rihanna story is so hot right now
that I couldn’t avoid it, no matter how hard I tried.
I need to start by saying that
I am not Shahrazad Ali and I in no way condone violence against women
or anyone for that matter.
But I haven’t put a scarlet letter on Chris Brown just yet.
I don’t know the whole story.
I don’t know if what has been reported so far is actually true.
And there haven’t been any photos released.
I want to boldly reiterate that I DO NOT THINK THAT A MAN SHOULD EVER STRIKE A WOMAN.

Many people are calling Chris Brown an animal, a woman beater,
saying that his career is all but over.
There are reports of his upbringing
and what could possibly be the reason for his violent behavior.
Many are calling for us to address our young men
about violence and abuse against women.
And I wholeheartedly agree.
This incident gives us a great opportunity to have
open and meaningful discussions
about domestic abuse with our children and with one another.
But while we’re telling our young men that they
shouldn’t strike the ones they claim to love,
Let’s also tell our little girls that it’s not okay to let someone hit them.
And while we’re looking into what would make Chris Brown hit a woman,
we should also be looking at what would make Rihanna accept this behavior.
Sources say that this relationship was turbulent/violent long before last Sunday.

Will this hurt Chris Brown’s career?
I’m not so sure.
I have to confess that I may be a little jaded.
Jaded because I remember the Mike Tyson/ Robin Givens debacle.
I remember him still being pretty famous and popular
after she said that he’d beat her.
I actually remember her career taking a turn for the worst.
Jaded because I remember Tupac coming out of prison on a rape charge
and releasing one of the hottest cd’s in the country.
Jaded because maybe I’ve seen ‘What’s Love Got To Do With It’
more times than I can count.
I could just be in denial.

I've asked myself questions like,
Are we outraged because they are both young, beautiful and famous?
Are we outraged because Chris Brown is a cute and bubbly teenager with a squeaky clean image- and we just can't believe he'd do such a thing?
I wonder if everyone is upset because a woman was
attacked or because it’s Rihanna.
Would we care so much if Lil' Wayne was accused of assaulting Karrine Steffans?
Would we care so much if it were Monique from around the way?

Everyone has an opinion on the matter.
I just want to wait until all of the evidence is out.
I wonder what we’ll say when/if Rihanna forgives
him and the relationship continues.
What will we say when/if Chris Brown sells more records
or becomes an even bigger star?
Are we going to be okay? Will we forget and keep it moving?
And if so, what will that say about us?

thoughtsandthings...2/2 the truth series pt. 2 (wife)

I'd always dreamed of getting married when I was younger.
I was never sure that I would.
I just knew that I wanted it.
I was never sure of how to 'be' married.
I had no example.
There weren't any successful marriages before me.
I just wanted it.

I'm fortunate.
I married a man that I like.
A man that likes me.
A man that no matter how crazy I look,
or what crazy thing I say,
still finds me sexy. smart. pretty.
I'm still his 'ol' lady.
But make no mistake marriage is work. Hard ass work.
The hardest work besides graduate school
and raising kids that I've ever had to do.

I think of marriage as a merging of 'stuff'.
Like moving into a house together.
Your 'stuff' packed in the box.
His 'stuff' packed in the box.
You don't know how much
or even what KIND of stuff is in his box
until you actually move it all in and start unpacking.
That's when the real fun begins.

Who knew that his clothes wouldn't quite make the hamper
and always end up on the floor NEXT to the hamper?
Who knew that he'd leave the freshly cleaned bathroom not so freshly clean. Often.
Or that he'd bring back exactly what I didn't want from the grocery store.
But who knew that I could be particular. a particular princess,
who REALLY loves to have her way.
It's a compromise for sure.
But it is a beautiful thing.
A sacred thing when you have the right person.

Marriage certainly has benefits.
You always have a date.
Sex is usually available.
And most important for me, I don't have too go far to get a hug.

There's a way to be a wife.
And I'm still learning.
Learning a great deal about my husband
and even more about myself.
I'm learning the art of sharing. listening.
I'm learning to pick my battles.
Not to say everything that I think.
And that sometimes keeping the peace
is more important than winning the war.

Do I sometimes want to curse him out in 5 different languages?
Do I sometimes look at him and say to myself 'What was I thinking?'
Do I fantasize about what life would be like with Miami Heat's Dwayne Wade?
Do I sometimes long for my single life when I didn't have a care in the world?
Absolutely!
But I'm a realist.
I know that the grass isn't greener on the other side.
It's just grass.
Would I want to be married to anybody else? No.
Who else could I fight at 5pm and love (hard) at 5:02pm?
Who else would I still call 'baby' in a heated argument?
I rarely call my husband by name.
I know that I'm married to my dude.
The dude that fits me.
The dude that loves me even when I'm not loving myself.

7 years and two beautiful boys later,
I'm still learning how to be a wife. a better wife. a better me.
And we're growing and learning and fighting and making up and loving together.
And that's what's up.

thoughtsandthings...1/26 the truth series. pt. 1 (mother)

This post has been a long time coming.
Initially, I was going to talk about motherhood, my plans for it,
and what it's like for me.
I was going to tell you how I wasn't very maternal growing up.
That I wasn't the girl who babysat during high school.
That I didn't really do kids.
But that I've wanted them for as far back as I can remember.
I was going to tell you how I was going to be like Claire Huxtable and Carol Brady.
How I was going to keep a spotless home, COOK 3 fresh organic meals a day,
and spend all my time making my kids happy.
How I wasn't going to raise my voice at my kids, we'd be the of best friends,
and how I'd always have the right thing to say.

Then I was going to tell you what actually happened when I
became a mother.
That the Claire Huxtable/Carol Brady thing never really took off.
That I'm more like Roseanne.
That on any given day, you'll see a fresh load of laundry
sprawled across the sofa.
That sometimes I'm raising my voice, tired as hell, dinner is in the
microwave mommy.
That I spend so much time making everybody happy that I lose myself.
I was going to tell you that being best friends isn't the goal,
being respected is.
And that no, I don't always have the right the thing to say.
I was going to tell you how incessant questions and grocery store tantrums
make me want to disappear.
That my maternal gene didn't immediately kick in when my
first child was born and that sometimes I cry
cause I don't think I'm doing this right.
I was going to tell you how I now know just how much I really don't know
and that being a mommy isn't always cute, baby powdery and sweet.
That being a mommy, a lot of times, for me, is hard.

But last night as I was trying to get into my car to leave Trader Joe's.
There was a slightly handicapped middle aged man parked next to me.
We had a conversation that went like this...

ME: (trying to get my little one in his card seat, steps to the side)
HIM: That's okay. You go right ahead.
ME: No, you go. He doesn't like being strapped in and he's going to wrestle
me. So it may take a long time.
HIM: Oh, I remember those days.
ME: Then you KNOW what FUN I'm having (I said as I rolled my eyes)
HIM: But it's so beautiful isn't it? And it goes so fast.

And then it hit me. I knew this already. But something at that moment
just struck me.
I looked over to see my oldest son trying desperately to buckle
himself into his car seat;
And my little one climbing to the front of the car.
And I whispered what the man said to myself.

So instead of telling you all that other stuff that I was going to tell you,
I'll just say this:

I am a mother. I am tremendously blessed to be a mother.
Sometimes it is difficult and I don't always get it right.
But that's okay.
Cause really, I wouldn't change it for the world.
And yes, it is beautiful and fleeting.

1.20.09 The Inauguration of Barack Obama

Today I am high!
Turn to your neighbor and say 'President Barack Obama.'
I said turn to your neighbor and say 'President. Barack. Obama!'
This day is so surreal that I cannot breathe.
It's a day that I just didn't believe I'd see in my lifetime.
And my body is going crazy.
I want to throw on Afrika Bambaataa's 'Planet Rock' and get it.
I want to break out into the 'Wop', do the 'Running Man'. Do something.
It feels so good outside.
It's like someone poured milk chocolate in the streets.
There's electricity in the air.
It's Christmas day and New Year's Eve.
It's beyond magnificient.
I kept my son home from school this morning.
So that I could videotape him watching the inauguration of Barack Obama.
My children are very young right now but
I know that they will appreciate the video in the years to come.
I wanted them to see this beautiful black man take that oath beside his queen
on the bible that Abraham Lincoln used.
I wanted them to witness President Obama walk, erect, with purpose
and smile like it was 85 degrees.
I want them to know that this is a class act who took a train ride
from Philadelphia to D.C., who walked his predecessor to his helicopter and
bid him farewell.
Who stepped out of his part-tank, part caddy
and pimp walked down Pennsylvania Ave. like, 'What?!'
I am not crazy.
I know that Obama is not our savior and that he alone cannot
fix all the problems that we face.
I'm just comfortable knowing that he's going to try.
That he's going to do his best.
That at the very least, he's going to LISTEN!
If I could run onto the freeway and poplock I would.
Cause that's how I'm feeling today.
This is history.
And I'm so blessed to be alive to witness it!

thoughtsandthings...1/19 A NOTORIOUS review.

This Biggie thing is personal for me.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen when I heard Hot 97’s Miss Jones
shouting from the radio that Biggie was dead.
Big had a new baby boy. A 4 yr. old daughter, and a career that was about to BLOW!
It was crazy and numbing and unbelievable!
I watched Big's funeral on Eyewitness news.
The hardest dudes on the block were screaming. 'Hypnotize' was blaring.
Fans filled the streets. Mary was holding Lil Kim. Queen Latifah was there.
I will never ever forget.
Big was laid to rest on my birthday.

I moved to Los Angeles 2 days after the "Life After Death' c.d. dropped.
One of my first stops was the Peterson Museum on Fairfax.
I wanted to see where he was killed.
Riding down Wilshire listening to Theo play "Going Back To Cali"
in the very city of his demise, was surreal.
It’ll be 12 years this March since Big was gunned down.

When I heard that there was going to be a movie about his life, I was nervous.
Initially, I thought NOTORIOUS was going to be like a made for t.v. movie.
Bad acting. Horrible lighting. The wrong cast.
But fortunately that isn’t what happened…

What happened was I got an inside peek,
a deeper appreciation for Big and the people who loved him.
Angela Bassett is intense. Though, her jamaican accent threw me off.
But really, who else would you want to play you in a movie? I understood the choice.
I felt Lil Kim. I felt for Lil Kim. I cared about her. I knew that girl.
I wanted it be better for her. She was Big’s ride or die chick.
And Naturi Naughton IS the next big thing. She simply ripped that performance.

Anthony Mackie and Derek Luke are both phenomenal actors.
But it would be difficult for anyone to capture the complexity and beauty of Pac.
So I can’t be mad at Anthony. It wasn’t his fault.
And I wasn’t able to get into Derek Luke as Puff.
So what I did was just appreciate him as Derek Luke.
A handsome guy, a great actor, who has his own swag.
At times, I thought that he was putting too much on it.
But maybe that’s really Puff or maybe that’s just me.
Antonique Smith did a decent Faith.
And I was pleasantly surprised when she began to sing.
Jamal Woolard had his work cut out for him.
But he exceeded my expectations.
He. Was. Big.
I honestly could not tell that this was his first time acting.
Other than me wanting to hear Big’s voice, When he performed,
he was more than convincing.
Woolard did him justice. Big would’ve been proud of his performance.
The movie was well cast. It looked great! The characters were believable.

Overall the film reminded me that Biggie was a rock star!
He was magnetic.
He was flawed and hilarious and fun.
There was substance in this story. I cared about these people.
And even though I knew the end of the story, I cried anyway.
Cause it reminded me of all we’re missing now that Big’s gone.
We hadn’t really gotten to know him well.
We were just sinking our teeth into who he was.
This was definitely not a made for t.v. movie.
It was a beautifully done biopic.
It was about a dude in the struggle,
trying to grow, and change and live his dreams.
It was about one of the dopest lyricist to ever do it, that died way too soon.
But I love Big Poppa, so...

Remembering Aaliyah 1.16.79 - 8.25.01

Aaliyah had me at 'let me know, let me knooooowwwww'!
Her rendition of 'At Your Best' was lovely.
And that's saying a lot. Cause the Isley Brothers are the truth!
She wasn't Whitney Houston. But you felt it.
Her voice was soulful. sultry. simple.
She sang like chamomile tea w/lavender.
Who knew then that she was only 14?

Aaliyah arrived on the scene with Monica and Brandy.
But she stood out from the pack.
She was quiet. mysterious.
I didn't know what to make of this girl with her midriff showing,
Tommy Hilfiger jeans, and Veronica Lake style.
But here's what I did know...
Aaliyah had 'IT'.
She reminded me of the old school artists.
She'd drop an album every few years.
Didn't do a whole lot of t.v.
She kept us hungry, wanting, and waiting anxiously for more.
When 'Romeo Must Die' opened. I was done.
She was an actress too!

Aaliyah was beautiful, a tomboy even.
Then the 'Are you that somebody?' video dropped.
It was official. She'd made it to my little brother's bedroom wall.
She was sexy, a bonafide grown ass woman.

2 weeks before 9/11, Aaliyah died in the worst possible way.
And it was an incredible loss. shocking.
She had everything in front of her.
She was on the doorsteps of superstardom.
I was so ready for what was to come in her career.
I wanted to see her in 'Sparkle', 'Honey' & 'The Matrix'.
And I can only imagine what she, Missy and Timberland had in store.
Yes, we're all going to go.
And I try not to question God,
but Aaliyah's passing just seems so wrong.

Aaliyah would've turned 30 years old today.
And she is still sorely missed.
There are many that attempt to do it the way she did.
But they don't come close. I don't think they ever will.

R.I.P Babygirl

NOTORIOUS 'an essaysandthings' Q & A with director George Tillman Jr.

I thoroughly dig The Notorious B.I.G. He is clearly one of the best to ever touch the mic. He’s a story teller, an icon. What other rappers struggle to do came easy to BIG. It’s been 12 years since Biggie was ripped away from us. While Hip- Hop is the hottest genre of music today, Big’s absence has forever bent its structure. I caught up with George Tillman Jr. the other day. We chatted a bit about his experience directing the film NOTORIOUS and his thoughts on Christopher Wallace, the man, the rapper.

LBE: First of all thank you so much for calling. I know that you’re crazy busy promoting the film. So I truly appreciate you taking the time to speak with me. I have a few questions. And I want to tell you that I LOVE BIG!

GT: No problem. No problem. Good.

LBE: Biggie’s death is still a hot topic, still an open investigation. How difficult was it gathering information about the film?

GT: We focused more on the stuff that people don’t know. We focused on his life in general; his life from age 13 to 24. What made him who he is today. How his life changed over the course of 24 years. And we get into a little bit about the death. You know, it wasn’t really complicated. When we got around to the Quad studio scene with Tupac, and when we got around to the L.A. stuff, it was a little difficult but at the same time what we’re hoping is that the movie is going to open the doors for a lot of that stuff to come out.

LBE: How involved were Big’s friends & family (Mrs. Wallace, Faith Evans, Diddy) in the making of this movie and what was it like working with them?

GT: It was great. You know, when I first heard that Ms. Wallace was going to be on the set every day...

LBE: Everyday?!

GT: Yeah, everyday. I was thinking that she was going to be there trying to maintain what goes in the movie and what doesn’t. But she was cool. She was very open about showing the good side and the bad side. She always recognized that her son had another side to him; a dark side. And she feels that it’s very important for the audience to be able to experience both sides. So it was great.
C.J (biggie’s son) is in the movie and that allowed Faith to be around a lot. She was great to talk to. We got a lot of inside scoop. Puffy was around a little bit. He didn’t get a chance to be on the set as much. It was a little emotional for him. He respectfully allowed me to make the kind of movie that I wanted to make. We just got a few notes here and there. So it was really good. We had Junior Mafia, Money L, (Biggie’s real hype man) We had a lot of his people around, Lil Cease, Nino Brown. All of these guys were around when we were making the movie so it kept things authentic. It kept things real.

LBE: Was Lil Kim around or was she locked up at the time?

GT: No, I saw Lil Kim one time. It was really complicated. Something went down with her and the family early on before I got involved with the film. She came one day to the pre-production office and she was pretty upset. And, um, that’s the last time I saw her. I wish she had a chance to see the movie because I think she would love the movie if she saw it. I think she has issues about some script that she saw before we even shot the film.

LBE: How was it working with a new crop of talent? I understand that Biggie’s character Jamal Woolard, is a new guy. Was that challenging for you and if so, in what way?

GT: The whole movie was challenging because these are real people. Biggie died only 12 years ago. So a lot of these people are still alive. It isn’t like most bio pics where the person died 30 or 40 yrs ago. That made it very difficult. These people are still in the public eye. People have their own ownership of who these people are. A lot of people own Biggie and really love him as an icon. So that it makes it very, very difficult to get the movie right. We knew that we had to come with it every day. We had to boot camp and work with new actors. Everybody had their heart in it and we just took it an extra 200 percent to get what we needed to get across.
Having new actors is the best thing because it brings a new concept to an idea when the audience is watching. It doesn’t bring extra baggage to the table.

LBE: Well you pretty much knocked out my next question (lol) which was going to be -Do you think that there was extra pressure making a movie about a person that many in this generation consider an icon?

GT: Well, Biggie is an icon now. When he was around he wasn’t. What we tried to do in this movie is show you Sean Combs. Puffy isn’t Puffy or P. Diddy. He’s a guy, hustling who lost his father at a very young age. Just like Biggie comes from a single parent, single mom. You know, these guys had gifts and vision. A lot of this movie is really the genesis of who these people are in the beginning. That’s what makes it exciting; not portraying what people see on ‘Making The Band’. We’re portraying these people in the early stages. And that alone will make the film more universal for everybody.

LBE: What are we going to learn about Biggie that we don’t know now?

GT: I think that people are going to learn a lot. Really. You know his mom called him ‘Chrissy Poo’. And then he was Biggie Smalls. He was Notorious B.I.G. and then he became Christopher Wallace. So we watched the evolution of a young man becoming a man. And how he struggled with being a father, struggled with being a son, being a husband. He was all these things. And he was doing the wrong things for the right reasons at certain times. He made a lot of mistakes along the way. This is about a person coming full circle and realizing some of the mistakes that he made. So we’re looking at a movie that universally deals with a lot of men , especially African American men in general. Some of the issues and problems that we’re having in our society, we kind of represent that.

And music takes a back seat. But we have a lot of music. We have like 6 concerts. The fans will enjoy the music but you’re going to see a little bit of the struggle and how he dealt with that. How he looked at his life especially after Tupac’s death. You know, when Tupac died he had 5 or 6 months to really look at his life. And that car accident really let him look and analyze certain things. That’s why you can look at “Sky is the Limit” and listen to that song. He’s talking about a whole different thing on that album. So this is for people really being able to realize that the icon is human. And the human aspect is very close to what I may be dealing with in my own life. You’re walking away with a tear jerker, bittersweet, but you’re going to be walking away feeling good.

LBE: Can we look forward to any unreleased music from Big on the soundtrack?

GT: Yeah, the soundtrack comes out Tuesday. Sean Combs (Diddy) will be using about 5 or 6 original demos that’ll be on the soundtrack. Some of these demos are actually performed by Jamal in the movie. So you’ll get a lot of new stuff. Again, it’s about the beginning. And that’s what we’ll be representing.

LBE:Does Jamal actually do the vocals or do you use Biggie’s Tracks?

GT: When Jamal’s performing the vocals are his. When Lil Kim’s performing the vocals are Naturi. Any singing is Antonique (Faith’s character). We come with it with performance and just get them as close as we can to these people and sometime you can’t tell the difference. But we’re also using Biggie’s songs in the movie. And you would never know. So all that stuff is live. It’s done live.

LBE: What’s your favorite Biggie song?

GT: I got two. One is ‘Warning’. Besides Biggie’s flow, he was a storyteller. He told stories in that song. And not until years after that song was released did I realize that it was him doing both vocals. I really looked at his technique as an artist on that song. And he listened to country music. So that’s how he learned how to tell stories.

LBE: That is funny.

GT: Yeah, you’ll see that in the movie too. His mother loved country music. That’s where that story telling comes from. And the second song is ‘Going back to Cali’.

LBE: I love that too.

GT: I think the reason why I think I like it so much is because part of the evolution by the end of the movie, you know, people will see that Big knew that the last thing for him to do as a man was to go back to L.A. to repair that relationship. He had to go back. And even though he knew there was danger out there, he still went out there. And I think that song represented that. He wanted to heal the relationship with the L.A. crowd, with Tupac’s crowd. He wanted to move beyond that. And I think it was very heroic for him to do that.

LBE: How big a part does Tupac play in the movie?

GT: He’s a big part of the movie. There’s not a lot of scenes with him. But a lot of people didn’t know they were friends. That’s what we show is the beginning of their friendship and how that friendship became strained. And Anthony Mackie did a good job.”

LBE: HE IS FANTASTIC! Did you have any reservations or fears about making the movie?

GT: Not really, I’m like 8 years between directing movies. I’ve been producing the last year. Trying to get back into directing. Something was telling me not to do those other movies that I turned down. Something was telling me that, to lead me toward this movie. It was very difficult. It took a year to get it. Something was telling me that this is what I was supposed to do. I think I was destined to do this movie to really show that we’re not making a hip-hop film. We’re making a movie with real characters that has hip-hop in it. I never really liked any of the hip-hop films that came out ,maybe 8 mile. But I feel like it was my destiny to really create a genre that people can look at and say ‘these are real characters’ It’s not just a black film. It’s a film for everybody. The characters are very well thought out, very well arched. You look at all the characters and it has a theme in the film. I feel like I had to do it. Even though there were reservations in the beginning, I felt like I would be adding something to this movie.

LBE: If Biggie were alive what do you think he’d say about the movie?

GT: I think he would say 'You got it. You got me.' Cause a lot of people only saw Biggie smile one time and it was on the 'Hypnotize' video and that was his last video. All the behind the scenes footage that I saw he was always smiling, always laughing, cracking up. He was very charming. He had to be charming to get the kind of women that he got. He was funny. And what we captured is his lovable attitude and his personality really comes out.
And another thing I think he’d be happy with, on the musical tip, is his shows. A lot of people haven’t seen his concerts. He was really only on 2 tours. A lot of people didn’t see his shows. So here you get to see a full show… how he did it. And we got some of his real guys, Money L, who’s his hype man , Dj Enuff, whose his real DJ, Nino Brown, those guys are on stage with Jamal. So you’re getting it right as if he were doing a show.

LBE: Well George THANK YOU so much. I’m glad you’re doing this film. I will be there opening weekend. And I’m wishing you the best.

GT: Thank You.

your friendly neighborhood police officer?

Around 4am this morning this dude was running NAKED
down the middle of my street SCREAMING ‘I LOVE MY MOTHER!
I LOVE YOU MOM! I LOVE YOU MOM! I LOVE YOU MOM!
Abruptly awaken from sleep, my initial reaction was
‘Really? Well, can you love her at a reasonable hour,
quietly and in your house?!’
When my toddler was awakened, I was hot.
I went to the living room to find my husband looking through the blinds.
My husband, baby and I watched this dude…running.
I realized that he was not well. It was frightening, sad even.
Suddenly, out of nowhere 2 cops showed up.
They started yelling at the man to stand still…stop moving.
He wasn’t listening. He kept right on yelling about his mom. THEN I got nervous.
The officers reached into their pockets ….and yelled ‘STAND STILL!’
I told my husband to get the camera.

Remember when you were little and your cousin wanted to be a cop?
Remember when you felt safe when an officer was around? What happened to that? Where did our friendly neighborhood officer go? When did we start filming the police? When did we start WANTING to film the police?
I’m in the fourth decade of my life and I am more afraid of cops than I am of bangers because at least a banger may face a trial and get locked up.
I am more afraid because there are 3 beautiful black males in my house.
I want to know who's protecting us from the protector?
Who protected Amadou Diallou’s mama? Sean Bell’s mama? Oscar Grant’s mama?
Who’s gonna protect MY babies?

My husband never got the camera.
And 12 more officers and an ambulance came to the scene.
All ended well.
The young white man was taken away without incident.
I pray that they found his family and that he’s home safe today.
But I still went to sleep afraid.
I went to sleep afraid.

2008...MY Year in Review.

2008 was a great year in many ways.
An interesting year if nothing else.
It was an important year.
A year that will certainly go down in history.
It started with the death of one my favorite up and coming actors Heath Ledger.
It was a complete shock.
I really admired Heath so his death hurt me.
I found some old friends. I lost some of the ones I had.
And I became a more open and forgiving person.
It was my 6th year of marriage.
My baby started Kindergarten and my little one began to speak.
I learned way too much about Britney Spears and Angelina Jolie.
Janet Jackson went on tour...briefly, but she went.
And I was there. And it was magnificent.
I saw the incomparable Erykah Badu in concert.
And I came to know Jazmine Sullivan, Durand Bernarr (youtube),
and Jennifer Hudson musically. And THAT was fantastic.
I had the misfortunate of coming to know Sarah Palin, Jeremiah Wright,
the ugly in Elisabeth Hasselback and the 'by any means necessary' Hillary Clinton.
Though, Hillary and I are on the mend now.
And I acknowledge that her run for office was extraordinary for women.
I discovered the joys of Youtube, Facebook and Twitter.
Hollywood went on strike.
We entered into one of the worst recessions in history.
Linens and Things closed.
California burned.
We marched for the Jena 6.
And 'The Dark Knight' reigned supreme.
Gas prices went crazy high and then wonderfully low.
We lost more entertainment greats like Isaac Hayes, Bernie Mac, Paul Newman,
Levi Stubbs, Bo Diddley, Norman Whitfield and most recently Eartha Kitt.
Jay-Z married his Queen B.
And Mariah Carey married....Nick Cannon? Yeah, Nick Cannon.
Stars were having babies from J.Lo to Nicole Richie.
The Goldmans and em' FINALLY got O.J.
But the most important event was
Barack Obama being elected President of The United States Of America.
I'm still so speechless and overwhelmed that I'll stop here.
It's just a beautiful, beautiful, thing.
2008 was an important year. An amazing year.
A year that will certainly go down in history!

thoughtsandthings 12/29 Just do it

"Achievement seems to be connected
with action. Successful men and
women keep moving. They make
mistakes, but they don't quit."
- Conrad Hilton


I have many friends.
Most of them are extremely talented in the arts.
Many are in or are trying to get into show business.
Many are not where they want to be, myself included.
We spend so much time trying to make that thing perfect,
the photos, the music, the scripts, the blogs,
til we never get it out.
Meanwhile, others are just doing it.
They are just releasing thier art into the world
and letting the people catch it.
letting the people feel it.
And they are living thier dreams.
Being where they want to be, doing what they want to do.
We have to stop editing everything and just DO IT!
Put it out there and see what happens.
Puffy is my favorite example of getting your grind on.
While we're editing Puffy is doing the thing.
While we're making it perfect
Puffy is working, not sleeping, staying up on top of the game,
staying up under the game, trying to out do you before you do
anything.
Puff is getting the job done.
Every year we make resolutions that last about 12 days into January.
This is not a dress rehearsal.
Time is fleeting.
I don't want to look back on life and have a list of what ifs.
The time is NOW!
I'm chasing Puffy.
I'm chasing my dreams.
I'm going to get it done.
I'm going to just do it!

thoughtsandthings... 12/22 FACEBOOK!

I'm a Pisces.
I have an addictive personality.
I check my email, text messages, voicemails and the deephousepage 4,798 times a day.
FACEBOOK was the last thing that I needed.
I'm not even that open. I've never been the Myspace, Classmates.com type.
So how did I get addicted to FACEBOOK?
It's simple.
It's the Myspace for grown-ups. No music. No graphics. No bullshit.
It's a wonderland. It has me so open. I've found people that I forgot I knew.
People have found me that I forgot I loved. I AM SO OPEN right now.
The world is amazingly small and we're all here getting connected and sharing via FACEBOOK!
We are truly separated by a mere 6 degrees.
But like anything else it has it's drawbacks.
My Piscean skin is very thin.
So when I send a friend request and I get ignored, it hurts.
When you see that same person confirm someone else, it's like DANG!
And those boxes of People That You May Know...
Well it keeps rotating and just like you see those people, they see you.
So you know that they're NOT clicking on you just like you're
NOT clicking on them. And then the circle gets smaller and smaller and smaller.
You're all becoming friends with other people and NOT each other
and the list gets so tiny until FINALLY one of you breaks down to request friendship from the other. It's a funny thing.
On the flip side of that, there's this elementary school type satisfaction
when your request is accepted. Especially by someone that you didn't expect
would accept it. It's euphoric that feeling of inclusiveness, of belonging...to
anything, i guess.
It's a strange, but beautiful thing, this FACEBOOK!
Hanging out in other people's worlds...getting knowledge and inspiration from each other.
No Myspace for me. I'm cool right here on FACEBOOK!
Maybe I'll see you there...

thoughtsandthings 12/1 ~ 12/8 In the news...

O.J. Simpson is going to jail because he missed this memo...

When you kill a white woman ,or at the very the least, when the world thinks that you've killed a white woman....you go to Florida or Europe even and you sit yo narrow azz down. Play golf, read a book. But don't...do not get and beat and harass another white woman. Do not get into public fights with your kids. Do not write books about how you would have killed said white woman and friend. And lastly, you do not...you do NOT go and manhandle people even if they DID steal your stuff. You got away. You're FREE! Sit DOWN!
Had O.J. gotten and read this memo he wouldn't have been pleading for forgiveness in court. Some people just NEVER get it. It's sad really.


Cadillac Records~ a review

I was pleasantly surprised with this film.
Jeffrey Wright (who's often overlooked imo) did an incredible job.
As did Mos Def (of course) and yes, even Mrs. Carter did her thing.
To truly get the look of Etta James and that deep gut-wrenching soulful singing,
I feel that Faith Evans may have been a better choice.
But overall, Beyonce did better than I had anticipated.
She definitely held her own playing against Adrian Brody.
Brody, Cedric The Entertainer, & Columbus Short, also turned in
phenomenal performances.
What made the movie so good was that each actor went the extra mile.
They all gained weight to play the thier characters and they all used thier
vocals for the songs. I was thoroughly impressed with that.

I love learning new things about music. And the film taught me about
Muddy Waters and Little Walter. Both of whom I knew very little.
It also taught me the TRUE origin of rock & roll.
If I had to rate the performances, I would have to give them an A.
There could be an Oscar nod for Jeffrey Wright...That'd be cool.